Forgive and Forget, It's the Only Way!

...For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more. (Jer 31:34, NKJV)

I was once a man that subscribed to the belief that it was okay to forgive someone for what they did while not forgetting what they did.  I justified this with the theory that as long as I remember what a person did, I would be able to see it coming the next time and prevent it from happening again, or, at the very least, be prepared for it. What I learned about this theory, however, was that it was a load of crap. See, as long as I was remembering the offenses people committed against me, I was never actually forgiving them for them.

Let me explain that.  As long as I remembered a person's offense, every time I saw them all I could see was what they had done and then the effects of what they had done would come rushing back.  The hurt, the anger, the anger, distrust; whatever it was, it always came back to the forefront of my brain and along with those came the feelings these effects induced toward the person who had wronged me in the first place.  Feelings of dislike and hate.  When this happened I was right back at square one which was a state of unforgiveness.

let's understand something here and now. You can never truly forgive a person for their offense if you're not willing to forget the offense.  When a person does something to you and you claim to forgive them but are holding on to the memory of the offense, and every time you see that person you feel the same way you did when the offense initially took place, you never really forgave them at all.  I know there may be people who disagree with me, people who don't, for whatever reason, think that forgiving and forgetting go hand in hand, but they do.

In fact, forgiving and forgetting is the only actual way to forgive and all of this must stem from love.  God's forgiveness and forgetting of our sins stemmed from his unconditional, immense, and immeasurable love for us and since he is the one we should strive to be like, then ours must stem from the same place and have the same function as his.  It must stem from love. Love, unconditional love for our brothers and sisters in Christ and our fellow man period, and the Bible supports this.

Love... thinketh no evil (1 Cor 13:5, KJV)  Love... thinks no evil (1 Cor 13:5, NKJV)  a better translation of this verse can be found in the New Living Translation: Love... keeps no record of being wronged (1 Cor 13:5) Do you know why love keeps no record of being wronged? Because, if it did keep records of being wronged it couldn't be true love.  Remembering wrongs causes feelings like dislike and hate to exist and these feelings are contrary to love.  So if we are keeping records of being wronged and we are not forgetting the ways people have offended us, then we are acting in a state contrary to love.  When this is the case, true, sincere forgiveness hasn't and can never take place.

To forgive you must forget, and to forget you must ask God for the strength required to do so.  Forgetting offences, especially severely egregious ones; ones that hurt you to your core; ones that seem to destroy your life; ones that you tend to hold on to your years and years, can only be forgotten with the help of our God who is able to, through his Holy Spirit, enable us to do all things.  In order for us to display true forgiveness we must first seek the true forgiver.

We must seek the one who not only said that he would forgive our iniquity and remember our sins no more, but proved his words by sending his son to the cross to die for those sins so they could atoned for and forgotten.  This ultimately enabled us to enter into a true and loving relationship with him.  If God no longer remembers all the things we did and all of the ways that we offended him, how can we not do the same for people who offend us.

Brothers and sisters, I implore you to let go of the things you may be holding on to.  Forget what people have done to you and how those things have made you feel because in doing so, you will find that then, and only then, are you truly able to forgive those individuals for their offences towards you.  I guarantee that when this happens, you yourself will begin to feel better.  So, if you're holding on to things, if you're saying that you forgive but your are always remembering the things people have done to you, this day ask the Lord to cause you to forget so that you may truly forgive.  It's the only way. Amen.