The purpose of this is not to, in any way, excuse my lack of consistency over the past few months because there's no excuse for it but there is an explanation and I feel as if I owe one to you, my Drawing Nigh family. So many things factor in here. There are the various changes that have occurred throughout the prison such as me switching jobs twice and switching housing units. Changing cells three times and cell mates three times also. There has been the fact that I now work 7 days a week and eight hours a day in the infirmary which some days is easy and on other days very taxing. There's the fact that as of recent I've been forced to try to explain to a bunch of men who are hurting because of their feelings of being abandoned why our pastor has neglected us the entire length of our now nearly five month quarantine. There's also the fact that I too feel abandoned, neglected, and unloved by our pastor, the man who is suppose to shepherd us. And there are many other things I could list but they just like everything else I just mentioned would be excuses and I'm not looking to make excuses I want to give an explanation but these excuses lead to the explanation. See because all these things that were going on I BEGAN TO ALLOW my relationship with God weaken. I DID. One day I was talking to someone and I was explaining to them some of the things going on in my life and I also told them that I had frustration and anger brewing within me and he said this to me. "You know Chris, that's just because we're locked in" and he said this referring to us being locked in our cells for most of the day but immediately I knew he was wrong and I corrected him. I told him, "Its not because we're locked in, its because I'm not locked in." I wasn't locked in to my God and it was causing me to lag in every part of my life but I'm better now and I'm so thankful that I am and I wrote this because I wanted you all to know what was going on and why and hopefully this explanation is sufficient.
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