It has taken me seven days to write the conclusion to this series of reflections and its taken me that long because I've been struggling. Struggling with who and what I am, what I've been called to be, and what's expected of me as opposed to how I feel. Allow me to explain. I am a Christian, of this there can be no doubt or question. I'm an ordained elder, a man called by God and sent to do His Will. A man appointed to preach and proclaim the Good News Of Jesus Christ. I am a man who loves the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, a man who understands fully the commands and expectations of my Lord and Savior especially the ones that instruct me to love, to care, to be compassionate, to have mercy, to be gracious, and to forgive.
But, I'm also a black man and I've been angry. I've been angered by the fact that three men could conspire to trap and kill Mr. Ahmaud Arbery and then in broad daylight murder him in cold blood and a prosecutor determine that those men should have no charges filed against them. I've been angered by the treatment of black men and women at the hands of those sworn and paid to protect them. I've been angered by the fact that a white cop, while on camera, in front of numerous witnesses, could kneel on a black mans neck for 8 minutes, hear that man continuously say he couldn't breathe, and never feel like he should remove the knee which ultimately led to the murder of Mr. George Floyd. I've been angered that the other cops didn't deem a black mans life important enough to challenge their superior officer. I am extremely angry that there has to be pessimism when the topic of a conviction for these men is brought up because I and every other black man knows that if it had been George Floyd the offender and a cop his victim a conviction would be an unquestioned certainty. I'm angry because for as evolved a society as we here in America like to present ourselves as, we still live in a time where many people still consider the lives of African-Americans invaluable. Something not worth of proper care or treatment.
I've been frustrated. Frustrated at the fact people are still acting as if racism, systemic, systematic, blatant and overt, hidden out of the sight of the public, or any other kind, no longer exists. I'm frustrated that when a black person says Black Lives Matter some white people feel the need to rebut that with an utterance of All Lives Matter which in essence is a way to minimize the protest of a people who are being brutalized, demoralized, and killed as if slavery had never been abolished. I'm frustrated because as a black man, there are white people around me who if I voice my anger, displeasure and frustrations about what's going on I automatically become the "angry" or "bitter" black man and in an attempt to prove that I'm overreacting they make excuses as to why these atrocities have taken place which inevitably attempts to lessen the responsibility of the offender. And I'm especially frustrated that my pastor has been one of these individuals in past times.
I've also been hurting. I've been hurting because of the hurt I've been watching the families of George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery go through. I've been mourning with them, I've cried with them, and prayed for them. I don't know either of these men personally but that doesn't matter. George Floyd is my brother, Ahmaud Arbery is my brother, Eric Gardner is my brother, Freddie Gray is my brother, Trayvon Martin is my brother, Michael Brown is my brother, Breonna Taylor is my sister, and the same goes for all the other black men and women who have been victims of racism, bigotry, prejudice, oppression, and hatred. They are my family and I mourn for them because I know that under different circumstances I could have been them.
And lastly I've been scared. Scared because I have a 20 year old black daughter and many young cousins who are black that could one day be subjected to unjust and brutal treatments. I've been scared for the young black men here at the prison who I mentor, many of whom are going to return to their communities one day and more than likely have an encounter with a police officer for whatever reason. I'm fearful for all young black men and women and it shouldn't be like this. I or no other parent should have to have "the talk" with their child regarding the cops and how they should react if approached by them but we do and that instills fear in us. Fear for the wellbeing of our babies.
These are the things I've been feeling over the past 7 days and they have caused an internal struggle within me that has been rough. And being totally honest with you, I know that if lose this struggle all of these feelings can combine themselves and morph into one huge ball of hate making me no better than the individuals who've committed the atrocities that have brought our nation to this point and those who support, encourage, and believe and behave like them. But thankfully I am indwelled by the Spirit of The Living God. The same Holy Spirit that Jesus sent back after His ascension to Heaven to comfort me and guide me into all truth. And He has been strengthening me daily, encouraging me daily, correcting me daily, and reminding me daily of the standards my Lord has set for me.
Love, care, compassion, grace, mercy, forgiveness, etc. For me to display these things is not a suggestion or recommendation, it is a command. An unambiguous, set in stone, order. One I intend to follow and the only way for me to do that is for me to be a Prisoner of THE WORD. Its the only way any of us get through these times and begin to lay the foundation for a better future. Our nation is in turmoil and it is now the responsibility of men and women of faith to lead the healing process.
And the first step in doing that is by being prisoners of THE WORD, showing others what that looks like and teaching them how to do it themselves.
Prisoners of THE WORD, of Jesus Christ who was bruised for our transgressions and crucified to atone for our sins so that we might be reconciled to God. Prisoners of Him. Prisoners of His written word, the commands, precepts, statutes, judgements, laws, and instruction it contains, the hope it provides, the faith it instills, the life change it effectuates, and the obedience and surrender it requires or better yet demands. This is who we are expected to be prisoners of and today, in this final reflection of this series, I want to offer this final word of exhortation. Be who you are expected to be. No matter what, be who you're expected to be. Regardless of what's going on, despite the circumstance, be a prisoner of Jesus Christ and His Words. Be a prisoner of love, of grace, of mercy, of forgiveness, of self sacrifice, of equality. Be a prisoner of obedience and devotion to our Lord and His teachings.
If not for the blessing of being allowed to be a prisoner of Christ I could very well right now be a man filled with hate but I'm not. Yes I was and still am angry, frustrated, hurt, and scared but these feelings have not overtaken me, they are not dictating my actions or my thoughts, and they are not preventing me from being the man God called me to be or doing the job He sent me to do. I thank my Lord at this very moment for who He is and for the works he's done in my life. Today I say boldly, proudly, and thankfully that I am a prisoner of Jesus Christ and will do everything within my power to be an example of change and an agent of change. I'll close with this. No Christian can be a racist, support racism, endorse racist ideals or ideologies, or condone the racist acts of others. Our God is inclusionary not exclusionary and since He's our example to follow we should do as He does. Thank You, I Love You, and God Bless.
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